Slackerdom, carpal tunnel, gluten sucks, and the drama bus.

HELLO PEOPLE!

So, I realize I’ve been gone forever, and that makes me a total shmuckity shmuck. It’s just been a lot of personal crap going on that unfortunately, as much as I want to sit and blog/bitch about it, I know it will come back to bite me in the ass by the very people I DON’T want reading it. So suffice to say, it’s been a drama bus ride lately. 

I just found out I was actually nominated as a “Top 25 Product Review Blog” on SkinnyScoop.  Is that good? I have no idea. I don’t really consider myself completely a product review blog - more of a “I’m going to tell you about cool shit I like when I feel like it” kind of blog. Yuh. In any event, if you feel like showing me some love, you can pop over there and vote for me.

Top 25 Product Review Blogs

In other news, after some more home renovation and a round of debilitating hand pain and numbness, I found out I have carpal tunnel in both wrists. I can’t imagine how, after playing World of Warcraft incessantly for at least 5 years. Do you know how they diagnose carpal tunnel and other nerve problems? With a “nerve conduction test” — which is fancy doctor speak for “we shove needles in your arms and then hook them up to a car battery and flip the switch to see if you twitch.”  It’s painful as hell.  On my doctors recommendation I purchased some night splints, in an effort to reduce the times I wake up in the middle of the night with numb noodle arms. Apparently I’m REALLY skilled at undoing Velcro in my sleep. I’m glad I could return them, because the only thing they were going to do was collect pet hair. On a happy note, this excuses me from doing repetitive paint rolling.

You should also probably be aware, I’m a bit cranky right now because today is day 6 without gluten/wheat/bread/LOVE in my life. Without going into a detailed history of my digestive system, about two or three years ago I had many MANY tests done for celiac type symptoms (including the genetic haplotyping.)  I have an excellent gastroenterologist who eventually just said “hey, these tests are all coming back negative… something is still amiss… let’s take gluten out for six weeks and see what’s up.” I said OKAY! And promptly went home and had a bagel. Or six. Ok, maybe that’s not exactly what happened, but it was close. I went like two days and caved into my need for pizza. I decided I could live with my… digestive issues and couldn’t live without pizza.

(At this point, I would like to thank my friends for putting up with my dramatic nonsense.)

This picture has nothing to do with anything but it was too awesome to not share with people.

Earlier this year I got fed up with my tummy troubles and decided to try the low-FODMAP diet (FODMAP=Fermentable Oligo-Di-Monosaccharides and Polyols but you can pretty much just call it the low-anything that tastes good WTF is left to eat diet.)  Well, again I crashed and burned after about three days because not only did I have to cut wheat out (Fructans) but onions and GARLIC fell into that category also. Truly it’s a horrifying thing and I just couldn’t do it. God bless any of you who do.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I’m standing in Target and decide on a whim to pick up Wheat Belly to see what all the hype is about (along with a copy of Orange is the New Black, even though I SWORE I wasn’t going to be one of those people who watches the show/movie first and THEN reads the book… but I digress.)

OH EM GEE. I had no idea wheat was so terribly awful for you. I mean, I’m down with the whole organic/non-GMO thing with as many products as I can afford, but YIKES. So I decided I would FINALLY give my doctor’s advice the old college try. Well, maybe better than the college try because I didn’t show up for class that often. As of today, I haven’t had wheat in six very very long days. I know I’ll adjust, but holy crap it’s major food shock to me to not be cramming a bagel in my face at breakfast, a sub at lunch, homemade bread with dinner. Anyone who knows me even a little tiny bit knows how much I love baking, and right now I’m like.. ehhhhhhhh.. help?

SO far, this has happened:

Gluten Free Zucchini Fries

(And because I feel terrible for anyone who just found me by Googling gluten free zucchini fries, I will send you over to The Tao of Dana.)

I will say, last night I made a total gluten free newbie faux pas and cooked up a packed of Knorr “Rice Sides” (don’t judge me, they were in back of the cabinet from before our basmati and texmati eating days and money is tight right now so I said.. hey, let’s not waste these!) I should KNOW BETTER than to ever make something without really reading the label thanks to Ian’s food dye issues, but… I made it anyway.

Enriched Long Grain Rice [Rice, Niacin, Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate (Vitamin B1), Folic Acid], Enriched Vermicelli [Wheat Flour, Niacin, Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate (Vitamin B1), Riboflavin (Vitamin B2), Folic Acid], Cheddar Cheese (Pasteurized Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes), Salt, Whey, Maltodextrin, Broccoli*, Onions*, Cornstarch, Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Natural Flavors (Soy), Butter (Cream, Salt), Parsley*, Lactic Acid, Annatto (Color), Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, Onion Powder. *Dried. Made In A Facility That Processes Milk, Egg, Soy, Wheat, Sesame And Sulfites.

WHOOPS.

I spent the night barfing. Does that mean I’m actually gluten intolerant? For what it’s worth, I was barfing BEFORE I realized what I had accidentally cooked and eaten.

Inquiring minds want to know…

nicole

Comments

  1. Shannon says

    Hmm. I used to make breaded zucchini “coins” and I am sure that you could make them gluten free with gluten free bread crumbs. Oh well. You tried! I have many craft/food fails.

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